do what is important first

What is the first thing you should do every day? What do the gurus, teachers, and experts tell us?

They each have their own recommendation.

Some say meditation, others exercise, or maybe even writing morning pages.

Ignore all of that.

Think clearly about your day ahead. What is the single most important thing (in your opinion) that needs doing? Do that first, then get on with the rest. It is really no more complicated than that.

Doing something worthwhile requires drastic action

If you want to make a significant change in your life you have to approach it seriously: with purpose, drastic action, and an unwavering sense of direction.

You want to take that big trip, or save up for a 20% downpayment for your next house: begin cutting expenses today and setting the money aside. And do so drastically. Get rid of everything that is not a need. Go back to the days of a cash budget (envelopes). Determine a few ways to create extra income.

You want to be present more, waste less time, and save more money: ditch your smartphone and go back to a basic phone. Cut the cord and stop paying for TV (and read more books…from the library).

You want to write a novel: sign up for NaNoWriMo and write 50,000 words in 30 days. Cancel every evening and weekend activity (except for Thanksgiving) so that you can focus on reaching your goal of 1,666 words every day.

You want to switch jobs, and maybe even get into an entirely different industry: stop wasting time in the morning and evening doing unrelated things. Give a few hours every day towards preparing for your next job.

The point is that things aren’t going to happen if you keep things the way they are now. And if you want to accomplish significant things you have to make significant changes.

As they say, “nothing worth having will come easy.”

Be serious about accomplishing that which you want to accomplish. No one else is going to do it for you.

Why do we do things? No, not that.

Why are things done a certain way? And why are things, some things, seemingly done that way because that’s how it has always been done? And why don’t those things change?

Is it fear? I think so. But fear of what? Change? I’m inclined to say yes, fear of change.

Why is change worthy of fear? Change is good, right? Change is new, maybe better, certainly different. These are positive qualities.

But I guess change can also be negative. Maybe the change isn’t conducted properly and it turns out to be bad, worse than it was before. Still new and different, but worse.

And what is that? What is worse? Worse according to me, you, my brother, other people in general? Worse if it hurts or causes discomfort? Are things better if everyone is happy and smiling? Maybe, but what if they are just lazy scared sheep and they turn into whining children when things change?

I guess change is unpredictable, and that is really what makes it uncomfortable for people. Some welcome it, enjoy the unpredictable nature of it, and actually look forward to not knowing. Others, understandably, are not that way and prefer to have all information first, and then decide whether or not something should change.

Which is better? And better according to who or what?

Is it better to be informationally driven, data-driven entirely? Or is it better to be driven by “the gut”?

Arts and Sciences. Is one inherently better than the other? Do they compliment each other? Or should they remain separate, in their own spheres?

They are both a part of life, that we can agree on.

Science: objective, numbers, data, facts.

Art: subjective, non-existent, created.

Nature comes to mind as one area of life where Science and Art collide. A tree does not exist until a seed is created by another tree, planted somewhere in the ground, and begins to grow. The science of how the tree grows is up to the processes required to bring life into that seed (sun, water, etc). The art of what the tree looks like is entirely up to the Creator (God) or maybe even the Gardner (you and I). The process (science) does not care what the tree looks like, it just knows how to make it grow. Science causes the tree to grow, and even change the colors of the leaves (an art unto itself), but what the tree ultimately looks like, or becomes, is an art (i.e. the art of bonsai trees).

Change is required (the seed must grow) and change is a natural occurrence (the seed will grow). It is nothing to fear. Maybe science says change is going to happen, and art is how we react to it. The art (reaction) can either be beautiful or ugly.

Maybe you don’t consider yourself to be an artist, but life does require all of us to act like one every once in a while. When change happens in your life, view the change as a blank canvas. A canvas that will become whatever you want it to be.

Be Instead of Do, Who Instead of What

When kids are kids, adults ask them: “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Or, “what do you want to do when you grow up?”

I remember answering “pilot” and “writer”. I’m sure I had other occupations sprinkled throughout the years, but those are the two that stand out in my mind the most.

I believe that adults ask the wrong questions of kids, and thereby put teenagers on a track of life destined to being identified by a career and the money that comes with it. Even further, adults (not all) instill a very real sense of materialism into these young kids.

“What do you want to be?”

“Graduate high school.”

“Go to college.”

“Get into this industry.”

“Get this car.”

“Get this house.”

“Now, keep up.”

Before they know it, they are drowning in debt from college, their mortgage, and probably a car payment or two. They have a job covering all of the expenses they have taken on and now they are trapped.

Some realize the error of their ways. The trap they bought into. The life they live is the life of someone else and not their own.

But now they are doing eighty miles per hour and they have to keep working to keep paying. They want to put the car in reverse but also have to keep moving forward at the same time. They feel stuck. Trapped. They desperately want to hang onto the person they used to be, the person that lived life, not for the sake of a career, money, and keeping up with the expectations of others, but lived life for the sake of living life.

Still, others will realize the errors of their ways. Consider the alternatives. And just hunker down. Which is perfectly fine. But also very unfortunate, in my opinion. They used to be a person with interests, passions, hobbies, love, affection, and a sense of real life. Now they are a cog in the system. When they reach the point of that magical “retirement” everyone looks forward to so much, what will they be when they are no longer a cog? Who will they have become?

Instead of asking kids and teenagers what they want to do or be, we should consider asking them who they want to be.

Instead of asking fellow adults what they do, ask them who they are.

Yes, yes, and yes!! I, too, am avoiding the “numbers game” and am working to find my community in a natural way. These connections need to add value on both ends.

Thanks for sharing!

Aaron

Say No To Other People. Say No To Fear.

Yesterday was a Monday. Well, actually, today is Monday. But when I wrote this last week, yesterday was a Monday. Clear? Good :-)

Regardless of what day it was, it was a very boring day.

It was a day that, in all honesty, made me question three specific things about my life:

1. Why do we live in a place where it snows (and is cold, for me, 9 months out of the year)?
2. (as a follow-up: do people actually enjoy snow?)
3. Why did I stop chasing my dream of being a pilot way back when I was 21?
4. Why have I pursued other “interests” but writing I have not?

All three (I’m excluding the follow-up question about snow, but I do want to know) share the same answer:

Emotions, and Other People. (I won’t use it anywhere else in this post, but EOP is the fancy acronym…tl;dr: do not use EOP when making decisions).

That’s it.

That is what I have allowed to influence and control my life.

Emotions, and Other People.

And a really interesting thing I realized is that my wife and I reached this conclusion simultaneously. I did not talk to her, and she did not talk to me. But, one day a few weeks ago, we basically looked at each other in silence. Then said in unison, “what the hell were we thinking?”

We weren’t. I wasn’t. And that’s part of the problem.

A lack of thought. Critical thought. Thought that goes past today, and instead looks at into the realistic future.

This decision that is before me, how will it impact me in 5, 10, 15, and 20 years?

I was so focused on the present, on the immediate future, that I tossed all of my opinions, thoughts, concerns, objections, and goals out of the window.

Focusing on the present combined with the influence of Other People is a terrible mindset, and an extremely dangerous cocktail. Not to mention, very expensive.

This type of mindset leads to decision making based on emotion and/or blind trust.

An emotional situation should not be corrected with an emotional decision.

My emotions are really why I have made some terrible decisions in the past. Emotions, and the fear of other people’s opinion of me. Or, put another way, my desire to keep those around me, and close to me, happy (an emotion).

Expensive.

• Go to college (two times, and quit…both times)
• Stop writing so that I can…
• …get a “safe and secure” job
• Buy a house

In all of these areas, yes, including the house, I listened to my Emotions and Other People more than I listened to myself. And I certainly have lost myself after doing this for so many years.

(“Lost myself” seems so…1960’s. And I do not know anything about the 60’s. I guess I associate that with the hippie movement…? Anyways, I still think it applies.)

I have forgotten who I am. What I want. What I believe.

Now, thankfully, I am realizing this after ten years instead of twenty or thirty. I still have time (as much as God will give me) to begin living my adult life based on what I want, what my family wants, and what I believe.

Now, all of that being said, all is not lost.

Looking at the future, as logically and unemotionally as possible, I have dreams and goals based on my family (instead of based solely on me), and I have plenty of “material” to use in my writing (based on the decisions of my past). These are things I would not have otherwise — these are the benefits to all of my questionable decisions. This is the positive way to look at things, otherwise it is all rather depressing.

So, what is the point? Since I’m writing this to publish, what is the thing that you, the lucky reader who has made it this far in my ramblings, can take away and apply to your own life?

1. Stop making decisions based on your emotions and the opinions of other people

Well, for one, stop making decisions based on your emotions and the opinions of other people. Start making decisions based on logic, fact, and the immediate circle of people who will be impacted by your decision (i.e. your spouse, kids, and any pets you take care of).

2. Be Honest With Yourself

Be honest with yourself. We all screw up. We all make mistakes. We all have regrets. The important thing, in my opinion, is to be honest with yourself about all of this. Recognize things for what they are. Reflect on things to pull out any lessons learned. Figure out how to avoid the same mistake(s) in the future. Understand what happened and why so that you can explain it to someone else down the road. You never know how your life, and the experiences you have had in the past, will change the life of someone else in the future.

3. Don’t Kick Yourself Too Hard

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Lindsay says I am too hard on myself. I know this. I am. I put a lot of pressure on myself because of how much I have not achieved in my life, and how much work I have to do in order to correct my mistakes.

I should not do this.

There are a few exceptions, but there are only a handful of mistakes that are permanent and irreversable. It may take time to move forward and fix things, maybe more than you can fathom right now (in which case your emotions are beginning to kick in), but things can always be improved, and can always be made better.

Personally, I have points one and two down, and hopefully they stick. Number three is where I am currently struggling. I want to have a future of writing and traveling with my family. That’s it. But making that a reality is going to be…interesting. There are plenty of unknowns, road blocks (real and imagined), and doubts. But, fear of the unknown is not a good reason to stay put. Which makes me want to write out one more point for you…

4. Don’t Let Fear Stop You

Finally, don’t let fear stop you. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what might happen. Fear of opinions. Fear of failure. Fear of more mistakes. You can’t let any of that stand in your way. You must try. Whatever it is, you must try.

Remote Work Refined — A Short Personal History

I have alluded in the past about my goal of finding remote work. I’d like to take the time now to fill you in on the past fifteen years, so that my remote job search has some context for you.

High School Dreams — Yachts, Girls, Mansions, Jets

I was a pretty typical guy during high school, especially when it came to my dreams of the future. I had my objectives pictured so clearly in my mind. So did my best friend, and turns out we shared the same vision. We envisioned a flashy lifestyle.

Yachts. Girls. Mansions. Jets.

How we would get them, we had no clue, but get them we would.

(Now, we are both stuck in IT jobs and desperately trying to get out. Go figure).

Experimental 20’s — Marriage, Business, Corporate America, Failure

After high school life became very interesting.

I did a single semester at a local college. Not for me. At all.

Started taking flight lessons. Flying and being a pilot has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. Maybe I could be a career pilot of some kind?

Long story short, for now, I didn’t finish. I got so close, but a few different things contributed to me not finishing.

As far as work during this time, I went from selling stuff on eBay for myself, to selling stuff on eBay for someone else, to managing a warehouse and handling logistics for trade show equipment. No prior experience for any of this, just learning as I go.

Next up, marry my high-school sweetheart at 21, quit the warehouse job, work for my dad, quit that, almost open a coffee bar in a corporate center, that falls through, land a call-center job and last a month there, interview well enough at an IT consulting company and get a job that I excel at and keep for 2 years.

I quickly learn that corporate America is as good a fit as college. I hate it. Every. Single. Second. So I begin the early morning and late night hustle.

I start with writing. Applying for writing jobs, looking for guest blog posting opportunities, submitting articles to magazine and news paper articles, grasping at anything I could get my hands on.

Nothing landed.

So I started a personal finance blog with my wife. We wrote new articles daily. Started a podcast. It was awesome. It was fun. It was 2008.

Just when it was getting good, we stopped. The site was probably brining in $300 per month from ads and paid posts. I was making money with my writing and I quit. I got distracted is what happened and is what stuck for the next 10 years or so…

Ok, that was 2008. Here’s what happened next until 2015 or so: -

• January of 2009 we decide we want to move. We pick Wilmington, NC. We plan a vacation there for June.
• My IT job is now technical writing…which is so boring.
• I start a business on the side selling screencasts. I do it for free to build a portfolio, and quit my job in July because I thought I could.
• November of that year we move to Wilmington.
• My business flounders once we move.
• I have to get a job and become a barista (and love it — but minimum wage is unrealistic).
• We move back to where we came from in 2010.
• More floundering. I work for my dad for a minute.
• I’m promised an internship and a job at a church. Turns out the pastor lied to me. Go figure.
• I start my own business again — this time building websites. I do pretty damn well at this. This one goes from 2011 to 2014. A good streak for me.
• Summer of 2013 — our son is born.
• December of 2013 my business bombs out and I find a job to keep finances up.
• I climb the ladder quickly. It is IT again and I’m determined to succeed.
• By January of 2015 I’m over it. But I’m not sure where to go next, so I stay. And I’m still there. But I begin actively searching for what is next. I start with writing, because that is what I love, but get distracted.
• Then, a year later, I turn 30.

Realistic 30’s — Family, Priorities, Maturing

When I turned 30 things really clicked for me. I knew for a fact that being a desk-jockey, a paper pusher, a Corporate America lifer, was not at all for me.

Sitting at a desk all day doing work for someone else kills me. It is boring. And boredom is probably one of the best ways to torture someone.

So the year I turned 30 is when I began to look at working remotely. On my own business or someone else’s. I first started looking into building a business of my own (because that has always been my dream and goal). I went down this path for 2 solid years. I experimented with niche websites, authority websites, internet marketing (scams), hand-letting, Etsy (getting desperate at this point), creating an online course teaching people how to build an online business…and then, in January of 2018, back to writing.

The foundation of those two years was very simple. I felt, and still feel, that a desk job is the worst job if I want to see my family. Evenings and weekends is not enough for me. I am entirely unsatisfied with this type of life and cannot continue any longer. I want work that I enjoy, that provides for our financial needs, gives me freedom to be with my family as much as I want to be, and also freedom to travel as much as we want to.

Writing fits all of that. Perfectly. And it is a literal full-circle back to what I was doing 10 years ago. Writing and making money at it.

Writing — My Refined Remote Work Goal and Strategy

Not only does writing fit perfectly, it is what I actually want. It’s what I have always wanted. But I became so distracted with what other people outside of my immediate family (my wife and I) thought I should be doing that I lost myself in the process.

So here I am. Once again back to writing and looking for ways to make writing a full-time thing. Hoping that all of the technical, procedural, and process oriented writing I have done for the past 5 years will help more than hinder my search.

Remote work is the ultimate goal for me. Remote work writing is the perfect scenario that I am now working on. Writing will meet the requirement of doing what I love to do. The remote part will meet the requirements of seeing my family more and allowing us to travel more as-well.

This is going to be an open-ended conclusion. I am not sure where this is going to lead, or how it will go. But I plan to document things here as I progress down the path of attempting to create a life of writing full-time, more time with my family, and hopefully traveling along the way.