My mind is getting into reflection mode, which is a natural state for it to enter this time of year. And not so much on the past, but on the future. I’m not too concerned with what I did or didn’t do this past year, but am more concerned with what I want to accomplish in the approaching year. That being said, I do have a list of lessons learned from 2019, and these are things that I hope to not repeat in the new year or ever again.

Leave in 2019 - “Side Hustles” - Money as the motivator - The opinions of others

Accomplish in 2020 - Finish writing Becoming A Father - More blog posts

That’s it. I just sat here for ten minutes or so trying to come up with more things to work on in 2020, but no. I think less to work on or focus on will create an environment that lends itself more towards success (which simply means accomplishing whatever it is I want to accomplish. If I accomplish it then I am successful. If I don’t, then I am not.)

Becoming A Father is a working title for a project I first thought up in 2015 when my best friend was expecting his first kid. I thought a nice gift would be a few thoughts from one unqualified guy to another on what it is actually like having a kid. I wrote a few thousand words but never finished it, so I forgot about it. Then my brother and his wife were expecting their first and I had the same idea. I found the draft, made the mistake of reading it, and immediately dismissed the idea as terrible and what I wrote as something worse than that.

Then 2019 happened. I immersed myself completely in the opinions of others, lost myself in the process, allowed acquaintances to direct my life, and hit the ground after falling through the sky in a nightmare. I “woke up” in October, realized what had happened in 2019 and even as far back as 2007, and immediately cut ties with everything and everyone that I deemed a negative influence. I spent some time thinking and remembered this thing I wanted to write about, the life altering experience of becoming a father. So, I have started writing it again. It is still something I want to write, even if my original audience of my friend (now with two kids) and my brother (now with a 7 month old) are better at this dad thing than I am. I still want to write it. I’m not sure on what type of book it will be (my gut says memoir) but I’m not worried about that just yet. Right now I am focused on getting the thoughts out of my head.

So in 2020 I’d like to finish an actual draft of Becoming A Father, hire an editor to help me fix it, and publish the damn thing somewhere.

That and blogging. I want to publish more to my blog. Complete sentences and incomplete thoughts. Pictures, too.

I am changing, and I’m getting back to who and what I once was. I see myself running away from the past decade and slowly walking into 2020 and beyond. Slowly, but confidently.